Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Who gets to decide these things?

The next time I get my resume in order, my career goal will read the following:

"My goal is to be the sole person in charge of deciding which humans can procreate."

Obviously, somebody needs to take charge of this position and I am just the one to do it. Sure, I'll have a committee of consultants, a "cabinet" of advisors, or some such professional guidance to support my authority. Still, I get to have the final say. Also, people will need to reapply to maintain their license, which will be reviewed periodically.

Take for instance, the case of a single father in Idaho, at the young age of 55. Recently, he was on his way to drop his two children - aged eleven and twelve - off at their mother's house. Somehow, the car got stuck in a snow drift about ten miles from their destination so he did what he thought best - told them to walk the rest of the way. In Idaho. In the winter. Did I mention that his daughter was wearing pajamas under her coat? Did I mention that he didn't walk with them? He and his cousin (age 29)stayed with the car. Both of them. These two industrious fellows managed to get the car going again and promptly turned around and went HOME!

Temperatures that day ranged between 27ºF and -5ºF, and winds were blowing at up to 25 mph. Later that day, their mother called and asked why the kids hadn't arrived and "dad" went looking for them. The 11 year old son was found about four miles from where he was dropped off. He had found shelter in a one-stall roadside rest, delerious from being exposed to the elements. His older sister was found dead in a snow bank the next morning. The father and cousin are both being held in prison under charges of murder and felony injury to a child.

According to the Associated Press report, several of the 8,000 citizens of Aragon's community feel he should be forgiven and that he is being judged too harshly. To Aragon, his cousin, and these supporters, I offer a big fat bold red "DENIED" stamp across their foreheads. I cannot imagine any justification for a father's actions in this circumstance. In lieu of jail time, however, they could offer full castration and witholding of heating services to this man's home. Sure, he was a nice guy, he had spent time with his kids, he would never hurt them, or so they all claim. Never mind his drug conviction less than a year ago. Let me speak slowly so that my point may sink in if somebody is kind enough to read this aloud to them:


Clearly, Mr. Darwin forgot to take a few things into account when he came up with his "survivial of the fittest" theory. Among the factors he neglected to consider, are alcohol and other mind-altering drugs. Sure, the strongest most attractive species might be most likely to copulate and create offspring in a normal situation in the wild, but what about a couple of half-wits in the backseat of a Pinto Wagon outside of a smoky bar at 2 a.m. after a half dozen seven/sevens? Now, I'm not saying for sure Mr. Aragon and his estranged lover were intoxicated when they first got together. I don't even know for certain that they're clinical morons (or even if such a designation exists. These are just theories - like the theory of evolution or . . . gravity.

This rant catalyzed courtesy of today's Yahoo News.

The hereby self-appointed "reproduction nazi"


Fannie said...

When I heard this story I could not believe anyone could be that STUPID. Where do I sign up to be on the committee?

Cari said...

I already applied for the job- years ago- and submitted a plan of action.

BTW, check here