Johnny Fairquit

Well, today was the long awaited premiere of the new season of Survivor on CBS. Fans versus faves, they bill it as. I missed the first 20 minutes because of a confounded PTO meeting, but I hope to watch that online tomorrow morning so that I have the full scoop.

First of all, let me say - Parvati, you tramp! Get your hands off of James. That dude is not getting any smarter, but he is still quite HOT! I think she targeted him on purpose. Poor baby, there should be some social worker that can protect him from his bad choices. I mean after seeing him go out last season while he was holding TWO immunity idols, he really should be under constant supervision of a guardian ad litem.

A few minutes into my viewing, I knew that "Johnny Fairplay" was not in the game. A quick glance at his physique could tell anybody he never planned on staying long. Not that he was Mr. Hotty the first time he was on Survivor, but I don't remember the flab - and trust me I know flab (I'm surrounded by it!). So, my take was immediately this: His flash-in-the-pan success after his first tour of Survivor duty had worn off. His agent probably wasn't able to book him any more gigs after his "professional wrestling" contract ran out, and then the Fans v. Faves opp came up. He probably thought - wow, I did pretty well the first time, almost won! Nobody's going to trust me again though - they all know I'm a liar. But hey - if I go on and do one measly challenge, and then make up some story to get voted off right away - it will jump-start my pathetic career! At the very least, I will have the talk show tours to profit from. I'm not even gonna try! BRILLIANT! So, JF will be on the Early Show tomorrow, get a few interviews on the Late Show or whatever, maybe get some party money, who knows? Maybe somebody will offer him a real job. There are always parts for doofy dufus's in Hollywood, aren't there? The writer's strike can't last forever!

Did you all see the look in Jeffy's eyes? I tell ya, he wants me!