Honey Badger Don't Care

A few week ago, my physcician and I decided that it would be prudent to change my antidepressants after 9 years to see if it would help me control my impulses that lead to weight gain. I think the new medicine is working slowly but here's the scratch: the old medicine was highly addictive and I have been in the throes of withdrawal ever since I began tapering off. For the curious, here are the list of withdrawal symptoms. Only those in bold are effecting me, so it could be much worse.


intense insomnia
extraordinarily vivid dreams
extreme confusion during waking hours
intense fear of losing your sanity
steady feeling of existing outside of reality as you know it (referred to
as depersonalization at times)
memory and concentration problems
Panic Attacks (even if you never had one before)
severe mood swings, esp. heightened irritability / anger
suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases)
an unconventional dizziness/ vertigo
the feeling of shocks, similar to mild electric one, running the length of your body
an unsteady gait
slurred speech
headaches
profuse sweating, esp. at night
muscle cramps
blurred vision
breaking out in tears.
hypersensitivity to motion, sounds, smells.
decreased appetite
nausea
abdominal cramping, diarrhea
loss of appetite
chills/ hot flashes
fainting
"scratching sound" inside one's head
constant white noise in the ears
tingling sensation in cheeks, lips, tongue and surrounding areas.
heart palpitations/ chest pain
swollen and sore eyes
fatigue
extremely localized, bursting headaches
lump in throat
rash / dry, flaky and irritated skin
grinding of teeth
difficulty swallowing
itchiness

I would also add intense loneliness and sudden inability to cope with people acting like assholes, although that may already have been covered under the mention of irritibaility and mood swings.

I must say that finding the list on quitpaxil.com actually was a huge relief. How pleasant to know that I'm not necessarily on the verge of some horrible seizure. I'm not longer convinced that my 10 year old will find me in a puddle of my own waste gnawing my tongue off and twitching, but I suppose there is still a slight possibility.

The scratching sound /white noise, while still not acceptable or pleasant, aren't as scary now that I know it's fairly typical AND temporary. I am convinced that "honeybadger" is inside my skull and wants to get out through the back. It would be really convenient if Dr. Hfuhruhurr could perform his cranial screw top method to give me relief. It would be really convenient, too, if Youtube actually had a video of the surgery itself. But that ain't gonna happen. I think Steve Martin's probably afraid of honey badgers anyhow. He should be.

If you haven't seen the viral youtube video about the honey badger narrated by Randall, you won't even begin to "get it." The video is NSFW and NSFK as it has strong language in it, but honey badger don' care.

Wonderful wedding/Wonderful marriage

I wonder,
how many Americans are watching Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding today?

I wonder,
if those people put a priority on treating their own spouse according to their wedding vows?

I wonder,
what's the divorce rate of Americans who view royal weddings?

I wonder,
if being a wife or husband is held in as high regard as being a bride or groom.

I wonder,
if wedding vows are as cherished as wedding photos.

I wonder,
if wedding guests remain in the lives of couples as long as wedding gifts.

I wonder,
how many impoverished, diseased, neglected children could be sheltered by a tarp as long as a royal wedding gown.

I wonder,
how many families could be lifted from poverty and squalor for the price of one royal wedding.

I wonder,
if anybody realizes what's important anymore.

~Lanie

A hungry criminal is a cranky criminal

I've heard many people talking about a law recently proposed in Kentucky. This bill would require Food Stamp recipients to pass a drug test before receiving public assistance. Personal note: I have never lived in Kentucky, been on drugs, or received food stamps - although I did receive Social Security benefits for a number of years and federal grants toward college tuition, I've never officially been on what most people consider welfare. I am not too proud to take assistance when it's needed, but I've always been able to stay away from food stamps - sometimes not by much.

I also care about a young homeless man that I know who cannot obtain assitance at all because of a mental illness that makes it impossible for him to make good choices consistently. He sleeps in one garage or another at night, and walks the streets by day - when he's not begging for help from his family and few remaining friends. Sometimes - especially in today's economy - it's not as easy to "just get a job and pay your own way."

So I'm trying to understand what people think this law will resolve. Will people get off drugs to obtain the food stamps they need to survive? Will it stop recipients from selling their food stamp cards for cash to buy drugs or other things that they want?

I think it's safe to assume that people who use drugs are most often metnally or emotionally compromised - maybe that's why they use illegal drugs, or maybe the drugs are the cause of their instability. Either way, they are clearly not able to make responsible decisions on a day-to-day basis.

I know from my own experience that if I go hungry even for a little while, it makes me cranky. Note: I have never experienced real hunger. Those of you who've seen me will testify that I don't appear to be anywhere near the zip code of hungry these days. But I do know when a child with very little impulse control gets hungry you better WATCH OUT!

If this law is passed, it's going to do more damage than good. It will, in essence, cause the crime rate in KY to skyrocket. People will steal to feed their families and themselves. They are already breaking the law, what's one or two more? There state is failing them by allowing them to go hungry. Is that going to help them get clean and make positive life changes? I doubt it very much. I think they will resort to stealing food or stealing merchandise to sell or trade for food and for their drug fix. They may prostitute themselves and steal from their own families to get what they think they need. They will do what they have to in order to "survive" and they will get to a point where it doesn't matter what they have to do to stop the hunger. It will reinforce their belief that the world is against them, that nobody cares, and that they have to take what they need to survive.

What about tightening up the current food stamp system as it is? How about only whole, healthy foods be allowed to be purchased. How about reducing the amount given and provide a list of soup kitchen and free food pantries along with them? Let's encourage fruits and vegetables and lean proteins like chicken and fish instead of treats and high-fat foods, or snacks that include food dyes and high amounts of sugar so that kids can actually focus and learn at school? There are lots of common-sense things that COULD work a lot better than letting people get hungry. And don't even get me started on how this country handles it's mentally ill citizens. So sad . . .

What do you think?

I don't want to be a Sneetch.

It doesn't matter if I am star-bellied or no, I don't want to be a sneetch. That is, unless, there's a kind of sneetch that nobody has ever noticed before. That kind, I'll gladly be.

I say that, but then sometimes I *do* want to be noticed. At least, a little bit.

Why can't I be more consistent?

I thought I was pretty clear when I told the canvasser for our church stewardship committee that I didn't want my name on "the board." I don't want to be noticed for whether or not I give money or how much I give. I don't give to be recognized and I don't want it to be connected to how people think of me.

So there's a board with a list of family names. The names with a star in front of them have filled out this year's pledge form. So now I'm a star-bellied sneetch. And I don't want to be a sneetch at all. I don't like the idea of the board at all. It's like trying to shame people into doing their duty to the church. I don't think it's really creating the feeling of community they want to promote.

At the same time, I volunteer a LOT of my time to the church. Many times that time is flatly refused or rejected. I don't need to have credit for everything I do, but it's nice to be appreciated once in a while. I had been helping with a weekly publication and instead of discussing changes with me, they just reassigned things. When volunteers are given special recognition I've never asked for or received any. And when somebody does make a fuss over me, I get embarassed and don't know what to say anyway. But then a lot of days I think - what about me? Don't they appreciate me? Am I just in their way? Maybe I'm like the older lady who is blind that they'd find things for just to make her feel useful, or the mentally challenged gal that dusts the library books. And then I wonder why I bother. Especially when the powers that be seem so cold and unwilling to make connections. Is it because I don't do enough? Or that I'm in the way? Could that be valid, or is it just negative self-talk? I mean, I don't want to be so naive that I don't read the signals but at the same time, I really do think I'm competent to help out some - even if I do have limitations - who doesn't?


So I'm torn. I will probably just "let it go" and yet I'm always feeling like I need to stand up for the underdog. I don't donate a lot myself, but I pledge what I can with the little amount of discretionary spending that I have. And it's none of my business what or if anybody else pledges. So this is what is running through the insaney brainy tonight.

It's been over a year

I had opened up a new blog about my weight-loss journey and promptly began neglecting my writing here. Now I have a 3rd blog chronicling our up-and-coming beekeeping journey and I'm hoping to post some creative rants here from time to time as well. Welcome back the crazy!

Book Review: House Rules, by Jodi Picoult

Picoult's astounding ability to drag me into the mind and awareness of others has astounded me once again. Jacob, and 18 year old young man who has Asperger's Syndrome is more than just quirky. His current obsession with crime scene invetigation is about to land him in trouble like he's never seen.

All his life, Emma has been attempting to get others to accept her son Jacob in mainstream society. She doesn't want his schools to treat him as if he is simply a label, but to accept him and help him to learn and grow and feel successful. Jacob, just wants to belong. He has no concept that others do not have the same interests as he does. He doesn't understand social norms or that others have expectations of him on a social level. He cannot imagine anybody thinking other than the way he thinks.

Theo is Jacob's younger brother. On the verge of manhood, yet having no father figure, Theo has always fell by the wayside. He often is put into a situation where he is more of a big brother to Jacob than the other way around. His compulsion to belong to a family leads to some criminal behavior and ultimately turns his family of origina inside-out.

The details and research that Picoult puts into her works is truly amazing. Her stories are gripping, and current. House Rules offers the reader an inside look of what could happen when somebody who seems so alien tries to fit into the mainstream world, and how that world misunderstands frankness for admission of guilt. Finally, adults with asperger's can begin to see that they are not alone in this world. Being misunderstood comes with the territory and sometimes even having an interpreter isn't enough to get the message through properly. It is a frustrating way to live.

I'm lacking in the compassion department these days

I am so glad that tomorrow's sermon at our church is "Unbridled Compassion" because I am just not feeling compassion for people these days. I'm sick and tired of the BS whining about every little thing. Seriously people. Where is your perspective?

There are people with serious issues that are beset upon them for no good reason. I realize this. It sucks. It's unfair. It's ok to feel a little sorry for yourself someetimes. I'm a pro at it myself and my problems aren't real big.

Yes, the economy sucks. You may have lost your job. What are you doing to FIND a job? What are you doing with this gift of TIME that has been given to you? Are you sitting playing video games night and day or are you sharing that time by volunteering to make somebody else's life better? There is a lot of need out there people. Get off your sorry butts and go out and give of yourself. You can volunteer at churches, shelters, soup kitchens, hospitals, schools, animal rescue centers, and endless numbers of places. If I was an employer, the first thing I'd look at is how people kept themselves busy and productive during their time of unemployment. It would make a big difference to me if somebody at least had a letter from an elderly neighbor saying that Joe Schmoe helped them take care of their yardwork while he was unemployed. Don't know where to start volunteering? Here's an idea - what do you sit around and complain about? Are you sick about the library shelves being messy when you take the kids there? Well, then volunteer to help straighten them. The people you meet when you're volunteering could be contacts to your next job. You may even gain some skills.